I could have won the contest, If only I’d have known; The prize was worth pursuin’ And to it I’d have flown. A couple grand she’s richer, Her name is Katherine Tuck; While she would win the contest In Jersey I was stuck. Montpelier was the venue, The one that’s in Vermont; An annual occasion, A prize that I would want. The winner was determined From sneakers on their feet; And I’d have been the favorite, The one they’d have to beat. The Rotten Sneaker Contest, Now thirty-two years proud, Features sneakers reeking So bad they smell out loud! To win the shoes submitted Must rise above the smell Of other sneakers gathered- Olfactory living hell. Katherine’s only thirteen, And that’s too little time; My feet aged to perfection, My feet are in their prime. Her shoes, a pair of Nikes, Are eighteen months in age; The fungus on my great toe Is older at this stage! I could have been a winner, And Katherine Tuck defeat; The crowd would hold their noses And worship at my feet.