‘Twas in the early afternoon That in a chair I sat Of my dentist, Dr. Cheng, Who treats the teeth of Matt. He placed some cotton on a stick He got out of a kit; Then stuck his fingers in my mouth And poked around a bit. He said he had to place a crown Within my regal head; He gave a shot to ease the pain So all my teeth went dead. As he stretched my open mouth I tried to take a nap; But moments later drool would drip Onto my waiting lap. He placed machinery deep inside The confines of my jaws; And particles of tooth and stuff Fell victim to his saws. The doily strapped around my neck Caught flecks of loose debris; Collecting there for all to see The parts that once were me. Dental boy, he smiles a lot, I think he likes his job; He seems perversely taken Watching people sob. I squirmed a bit. Not much you know. I tried to be a man. But that’s a struggle daily faced - I do the best I can. Open, shut and rinse your mouth Is all he ever says; I follow his instructions well ‘Cause then he gives you Pez. When he was done he seemed relieved I hadn’t bit his hand; I thanked him for the throbbing ache Then paid him half a grand.