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Month: August 2021

Esther Orring

Esther Orring, eighty-seven
Nearly died and went to heaven.
Found a rattler on her porch
In the sun, it basked to scorch.

Danger’s best when kept a stranger,
Most would flee confronting danger.
But Esther Orring, she’s a trooper
Shrinking not, no party-pooper.

Serpertine, a reptile scaled
Desert-bound and rattle-tailed;
A foot of danger, poison filled,
Esther grabbed and then she killed.

Before he died, the twisting spitter
Took a bite, the venom hit her.
Lady luck and antivenin 
Neutralized the harm within.

Esther dines on fettuccine,
On her porch with her martini.
Our lady friend is out of danger,
Snakeskin belt upon a stranger.
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Eric Edward Gwinn,
A man without a twin,
Spent his days a-toiling
On turkeys fit for broiling.

Employed preparin’ turkey
For holidays and jerky
While Eric Edward butchered
He did something absurd.

A hidden camera captured
Edward Gwinn enraptured,
In action rather quirky
Stomping heads of turkey.

Why this cruel endeavor
Brought him so much pleasure
Remains a mystery hidden -
A behavior most forbidden.

Eric Edward Gwinn,
Prosecuted did not win.
So off to jail he’ll travel,
The ruling of the gavel.
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Tardy Tidings

Holy cow I’m up quite late,
Slept too long now I can’t wait
For a shower, heading straight
The fogginess it will abate.

Half the day is dead and gone,
The sun is up out on the lawn.
Somewhere lost between the yawns
The genesis of morning’s spawn.

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Out on the plains of this great land
Where pioneers and pilgrims fanned
Remains the soul of all they planned
Secreted beneath the sand.

Followers, their dream the same,
Propagated every name;
Fenced the land to stake their claim -
The baggage left by those who came.

Tilled the soil ‘til it was dry,
Irrigated by and by;
Diverting streams they would defy
Mother Nature ‘til she’d cry.

Polluting lakes that rivers fed
With chemicals around they’d spread;
Water fowl took flight and fled
While fishes trapped, would wind up dead.

The earth is gracious, she’ll forgive -
Humanity she’ll long outlive.
Imparting lessons men misgive -
What you take the same must give.
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The dog defies logic,
She’s somewhat deranged;
Her thinking is scattered,
Her thoughts not arranged.

Unending her pacing,
Her unoccupied look
Makes it tough to discern
What makes the girl cook.

The food she denies
When it’s placed on the floor 
By her bed, in the kitchen
Or next to the door.

For hours she darts
Between bed and the bath,
The carpeting’s worn
From the unending path.

When the cats dare approach her
She turns toward the wall
As if she believes
They don’t see her at all.

She startles from sounds
That no one can hear
And sleeps through the ones
That fill me with fear.

Psychotic at best,
On the lunatic fringe -
Schizophrenic at worst,
The dog is unhinged.
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Keyed Up

I’ve got a key
That goes in a lock
Securing a treasure
Like a foot in a sock.

But I haven’t a clue
Where the lock could be latched,
To what or to whom
Or why it’s attached.

Somewhere there’s someone
That wants to get in,
But I’ve got the key
To someone’s chagrin.

A secret secured
By a lock and no key
And the chance of a meeting
Between someone and me.
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Cat Caper

There was an old man, Joseph Fletcher
Unwittingly turned a cat catcher;
  When a cat became lodged
  In a tree where it dodged
They called him to be the cat’s fetcher.

Sammy, a gray Russian blue,
Was doin’ the things that cats do.
  To see what’s to see  
  Clambered up a tall tree
To be where the robins all flew.

The cat seemed to welcome the aid,
No protest, no hissing sound made.
  He was placed in a cage
  Where a rope was engaged
And lowered him down where he stayed.

The cat safely back on the ground,
Mr. Fletcher would then turn around.
  All accounts it was grim, 
  As he slipped from a limb
And down to the ground he was bound.

Damaged beyond all repair,
Not well Mr. Fletcher would fare.
  Nine-lives had to live,
  But not one did it give
For Fletcher, the cat didn’t care.
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In the northern atmosphere,
The air is crisp, the skies are clear.
Low the branches from the snow,
Teasing drifting flakes below.

From the chill have taken flight
Creatures from the winter’s blight;
A changing guard of kind and form,
Adjusting to the winter’s storm.

Foraging for sustenance
In fields of ambivalence,
Mother Earth is kind and cruel,
Participants with nature duel.
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Canine Intervention

There was a young drunk in Bavaria,
His legs way to wobbly to carry ya
  Took a gun in his hand,
  Though he hardly could stand,
And a drunk with a gun, he could bury ya.

But instead of a man took a shot
At a dog that he felt barked a lot.
  But the shot was in vain,  
  Though the dog howled in pain,
Then a mouthful of nose the dog got.

Ripping the nose from the man,
Away from the man the dog ran.
  The man commenced bleeding,
  Paramedics interceding,
Transporting the man in their van.

The bullet is gone from the canine,
He’s back at his home and he’ll be fine.
  But the man cannot smell
  And he’s locked in a cell -
Intervention is sweet when divine.
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Collateral Damage

This takes the cake,
A judicial mistake,
  Allycen Edwards
Is some kind of flake.

She decides on a urge
For an afternoon splurge
  She’d go to the zoo
From her work to diverge.

She decides to take in
The dolphins within
  And the show they perform
Where they twist and they spin.

To squeals of delight
The crowd is alight
  With the antics displayed
By the dolphins in flight.

Through hoops they are splashing,
To tanks they fall crashing,
  Directed by trainers
Orchestrating their thrashing.

The performance then ending,
The crowd went descending
  From bleacher and cushions
To exhibits yet pending.
Except a lone matron,
A slip ‘n fall patron,
 One Allycen Edwards
Who wasn’t quite done.

She slipped and was felled
In the water expelled
  By the dolphins and was
To her bottom propelled.

The lawsuit’s begun,
Say goodbye to the fun,
  As Allycen seeks
Her day in the sun.

The zoo was remiss,
Say the suit and this miss
  Is entitled to pay
To fix what’s amiss.

A couple of nuts,
A lawyer and putz,
  For the greater of us
Another door shuts.
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